Fucking Recycle.

i.
stayed up
way to late
last night.
but
it was totally worth it.
the
RED SOX won.
even with out his lucky shirt.

so this morning i woke up.
the usual.
blackberry. uffie. 6:50.
snooze once.
snooze twice.
snooze thrice.
so i called in.
ill be late.
i slept till nine.
it was great.

now here i am.
at le job.
sitting.
staring.
glaring.
actually.
into cyberspace.
nothing to do.
i like to pretend that i am busy.
i shuffle papers around.
walk back and forth from the copier.
stare really hard at my sc… Continue

sometimes i do things.
like right now.
im about to do something
i know in a few weeks
im going to regret.
but i live today.
and im going to do this.
and regardless of the consequences and repercussions.

i have been known to make choices.
that arent exactly well thought out.
but this one i feel like is
the best way
out of a bad situation.
and i guess we shall see.


last weekend.
we went out to dinner
with my married friends.
it was a rare occasion
to have him out as well.
he was quiet.
bored of… Continue

i remember when we first hung out.
i walked from my apartment.
and almost turned around twice.
you lived farther than i thought.
you waited for me
with your roommate on your porch.
black hoodie.
camo hat.
yes.
i remember you hugged me
and it felt like we were kissing.
ha.
oh yeah.
remember how.
you smoked weed to impress me.
and i didnt to impress you.
you were sweet and funny.
i was pretty and slutty.
we watched the hills have eyes.
and you smiled the whole time.
you were stoned.
and i pretende… Continue

this is serious.
i have to
must.
for the sake of my future.
stop spending money.
i have an addiction.
to the swipe and go.
i dont understand what my problem is.
he says all women have money issues.
and as far as this woman goes.
i think its true.
the way i rationalize it in my head.
is .
that i finally have the means.
so why not use them?
but.
i am unnecessary.
ive got to get a grip on shit.
but.
its so hard.
when you sit at a fucking desk all day.
and you have nothing to do.
but skim the worldw… Continue

out of all the days id choose to inhale.
today would be the day.
i actually took out my last snog.
sniffed it deep.
then put it away.
but oh what id give
to give in.
on this hell of motherfucking
so comical.
so humorous.
jagged little ironic
shitty ass day.
i find it familiarly funny.
how getting your hopes high.
only brings spirits lower.
ghostly recollections from past misconceptions.
its so stupid.
yet it seems.
my hearts feeling optimistic
but my skins screaming at the seams.
i dunno
what im… Continue

i just cant quite put my finger on it.
im not sure if its friday.
or today.
or my period.
or what.
but somethings just not right in here.
questions questions questions.

this weekend.
was rough.
well friday.
was rough.

saturday .
was nothing.
i watched trading spouses for almost 12 hours.

sunday.
was better.
redskins.
and.

he made me feel better.
about everything.
everyday.
something.
the way he looked at me.
the things he said.
simple touches glaces sleight of hands.
this weekend he loved sm… Continue

"You discover something early today that feels like a big find
-- so investigate further!
It's one of those days when you might just find
that the game has changed on you
in a really neat way!"

preach on sista girl.


so.
i am a firm believer in.
horoscopes, astrology, mythology,
all things the occult.
and 8 times outta ten.
when the stars tell me something.
i take heed.
as crazy as my life is can will be.
the one thing that guides me is the stars.
as stupid as that sounds.
so when they tell me… Continue

so this morning.
i get to work.
im at work.
and im just
you know
doin the things in my job description.
eating breakfast.
watering the plants.
checking my email profusely.
lallygagging on the internet.
making coffee.
well attempting to make coffee.
i got the water.
put the filter and the grounds in the basket.
placed it back on the coffee maker.
pressed the button.
and walked away.
time elapses.
my boss goes to get her coffee.
and for some reason there is none brewing.
we stand back, scratch our… Continue

lately.
things.
have been moderately normal.
the day to day drudgery.
but something has changed.
ive made friends.
which is all too foreign to me.
ive realized.
as far as close friends,
i have a few.
many of my friends
at no fault but my own.
have fallen to the wayside.
they are out enjoying their lives.
learning new things.
smiling.
talking loudly in crowd of people.
sling glass after glass.
round and round.
and i see them from time to time.
and its always.
"where have you been"
"we miss you"
a… Continue

so once again.
ive spent my day wasting the clock.
waiting for five.
i know i always said i want to do nothing but sit there and look pretty, and get paid for it.
but its really not all its cut out to be.
i dont even look that pretty today.
lately my wardrobe has been rather depressing me.
everything i own is lp circa 1999/2000.
vintage me isnt as wonderful as i thought.
i dont feel sexy in my clothes.
im starting to think people look at me like i look at those girls.
those who wear jean that ar… Continue

yikes.
weekends.
i still have heartburn from all pico i ate.
and my neck still hurts from throwing my head around to monster beats.
ouch.
weekend packed a shitload of nonsensical events.
hipster hangovers and makeout mudbusters.
that went down in 2 days/ 3 nights.
but i must admit.
who needs a floor.
when you have peoples egos to dance on.





tip tap.

long live the rage please.

im so angry.
today i am a ball of fury.
i am livid and frustrated and agro to the max.
last night he wouldnt stop the car.
so for the second night we've slept alone.
and for the first night.
i dreamt of him.
kissing him in public.
i woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
upset and slightly excited.
i could still smell his skin in my head.
and for a moment i felt ashamed.
and then.
just as fast.
it was gone.
and i was left with a weft of pleasure.
which turned to resentment then to shear bitternes… Continue

after quite a bit of in depth thinking.
and years of personal experience.
ive finally come to terms with the fact that.
most humans.
struggle with physical acceptance.
yes.
most, if not all.
this to include as well.
the male species of course.
men worry about how ripped or not ripped.
how long their wang hangs.
hair teeth eyes butt
too.
and yet.
in all my life.
the many men who have disrobed in front of my eyes.
they have never shown an inkling of self consciousness.
me on the other hand.
its wa… Continue

my head is cloudy.
clogged and i cant think.
i cant move things around or
form sentences that make sense.
i am sick.
i feel like a zombie.
walking dead among the doomed.
i cant imagine.
the rest of today.
tonight.
what to do.
what to say.
"oh yeah that cool"
or
"wow, i know right. You too?"
how many awkward situations must i be in.
how many time must i drink my way into conversations.
how many time must i fade into the background.
pretending like i wouldn't rather be.
anywhere but there.
as much… Continue

last night.
for the first time.
i felt old.
set in my ways.
i felt uncomplelled.
these things like nature.
like nothing else to do.
we eat dinner.
and watch tv.
i clear the table.
i smoke.
he waits.
we brush our teeth.
i crawl into bed.
the clock strikes ten.
and i am tired to the bone.
i drink my tea.
he reads his book.
we make small talk about tomorrow
and the weather.
it rains.
i open the window.
we have sex.
we fall asleep.
we wake up.
i shower.
make coffee.
we brush our teeth.
we kiss good… Continue

im waiting.
hello.
still here.
im just going to sit here and wait for you.
for this.
ive got nothing to do
my hands are free.
i know this is wrong
to let this linger in the air.
to allow this to mist among us.
i know.
there are things that should be said.
between us.
in daylight.
with out closed doors.
with out whispers.
sudden movements.
no shadows on the wall.
you are a horrible person.
with bad habits and a tendency towards violence.
and i
i am that bad habit.
wearing frustration on my chest.… Continue

I HAVE NEVER BEEN FUCKED SO HARD IN MY LIFE.
THEY PUT THE BILE IN MOBILE

STICK THAT SHIT TOGETHER.
ASSHOLES.

is it me?
am i crazy.
why is the new trend for women between 20-25
to get knocked up and locked up?
im in love,
yes.
but love for me doesnt equal
giz inside
new surprise.
is there something in the water.
its like everyone i know.
minus a few.
has given up their free reign to the ball and chain.
and im not saying that this isnt a good idea.
procreate, thats great.
but why so young, and why so fast.
with all the horrible things going on.
why add more carbon footprints?
and i know about the clock.… Continue

geez.
atleast i can say i didnt puke.
for the first time in a long time.
i drank.
i laughed.
i smiled.
and it was worth it.
i found myself lost in the sea of tank tops and. beer bottles.
id just sit and look around me and their were so many people.
from here, and there.
loving each other.
it was fucking sick.
and i was happy.
to be in the middle of something.
that makes this whole shitty little part of the world.
fucking amazing.

… Continue

is that to much to ask.
to be able to sit down.
turn on.
and tune in.
god damn season 4.
goddamn no speakers.
goddamn abc.com
goddamn december.
i miss it.
i really do.
lost to me is like...
is like...
is like...
my favorite sweater.
the comfiest pillow.
the cutest boy.
the nicest weather.
i just want it back.
im lost with out you.