When did you "stop fucking around" and get your shit together?

[Boombats]

Assuming you've done that, LOL. I know I haven't. I turn 33 on Friday and I think I'd rather get nailed to a cross than quit goofing off, but shit man I need the grown-up ducats and a distinguishable career path. So, tell me about it.

[Rosenda]

BAHAHAHAHAHAH! Boombats what a question. I'll be honest, I didnt have any priorities beyond HAVING FUN in every area of my life until I was at least 35. All I did before then was enjoy music and go to shows and go dancing with friends and have fun with family and rollerskating and iceskating and movies and whatever else. Seriously. Guess I didn't really think anything serious until I had to. After I was divorced and had my first apartment alone and taking care of myself.

And Boom, each of us will have a different reason what "getting your shit together" means. For some that means having responsiblities like a serious relationship and kids and for some it just means getting clean and stop doing booze and drugs excessively and hanging out with different social crowd. You gotta decide for yourself what it means and what your goals are and if you are ready to go for them and do what it takes to achieve them.



Especially the feeling more rebellious now than before, because I'm more well informed and less deluded/addled.

Boom and El, I REALLY feel in agreement with you on that general point. I also feel in limbo sometimes, because I still have that need for FUN but it happens differently because I got basic stability needs to do and I fit my FUN into all that daily thing. Like I lived a LOT of my basic life not thinking about needs or what's good for me before my mid 30s. Because I didn't have to, I was not on my own til I was married at 29 and even then.....I did not live alone til I was 33 after my marriage ended. I had a lot of growing up to do, and part of that I had to do ALONE and part of that was being HONEST about what I WANT and what I NEED.

Some of it is practical and some of it isnt'. Finding your needs and wants now that your life is not clogged up with the shit that made you crazy at 25 is a whole different and VERY freeing ballgame, guys. Seriously, I DO have more freedom and courage and "fuck you I'm gonna do it my way" attitude than I did 20 years ago. Funny how it's turned out that way.

[Rosenda]

And for the record............I am not rich. Never have been. Working class-middleclass-surviving is what I'm about and especially here in Los Angeles. It ain't cheap to live here non-extravagantly. And believe me I don't. I'm lucky for what I have and a place to live reasonably. Very lucky. But everything else I had to do myself that's for sure and I still do and it's not easy.

As far as goofing off.................um that's just who I am, in some way. I guess you'd have to ask some of my friends who know. ;)

I think "fucking around" does not go as far or cause you as many problems as it does when you are younger, because most folks are still at their familie's house and they are your backdrop and safety net up to a certain point (and that point is usually jail or prison, honestly). But when you live alone that's it......you learn to think before you act and do some ignorant unnecesary shit to yourself.

But the basic level of "stop fucking around" is usually first when you are on you own and responsible for yourself and you want to keep it that way. OR some life situation FORCES you face changing your life. Dude from 38 to 42 I had to go back to living at my parents house cause my roommate moved and got another job out of town and I could not find another roommate fast enough and I got myself big debts I had to pay off. That was my own doing and it hurt to go there..........for me, THAT PERIOD forced me in SOME ways to stop fucking around in some aspects of my life. It was awful but I'm glad I did it and learned from it.

[YamiNoSensei]

I started trying in my mid-30s, didn't really pull it together until I was almost 40. Being an aimless fuckup is all well & good when you're young, but just pathetic by the time you're pushing middle age. Not to mention you start needing reliable health care after a couple decades of self abuse via aimless-fuckuphood!

[Nick Macklin]

Shit man, I feel ya on this topic.
I'm turning 31 in December and I'm the only cat out of the guys I grew up with that don't have kids, a car, a wife (or an ex-wife) and I still don't really understand how a "home owners loan" works. It fucks with me harder than even I myself can understand. I wonder somtimes if I'll die alone and sometimes I wonder if I might actually deserve to die alone when I look back on my life.............Then I wondered if it was time to quit drinking. So a week ago I quit cold-turkey. Started going to meetings, hanging with the other sober musicians, eating twice a day and saving money. That's right, SAVING MONEY!! I was soooo excited and the future looked bright. Ya see: I've been playing in bars since I was 14y/o and working in them off and on since I was 17y/o so being surrounded by drugs and booze has never been more more out of the ordinary than , say, a secretary with coffee breath. It's just the background static of the life I used to. So there I was. Sober for the first time in my life and then......HALLOWEEN COMES AROUND. I have a side project called BEER which as far as we can tell is the worlds only FEAR cover band and this year we did a house party at one of those squatter/party houses that aren't too different from the kinds of houses I lived in when I was younger. They're always filled with sweaty floors, dirty kids, pets with no particular master, booze, cocaine, weed and crappy PAsystems. They also have my particular favorite addiction: drunk punk rock grrrrrrls between the age of 18-22y/o!! The worst part was was that I was in the squatter scene almost 10years ago so I got REALLY HAPPY GO-LUCKY when I saw tons of drunk punk-rock girls between the age of 18-22y/o who MADE UP THE ENTIRE RACIAL DIASPORA!!! Asian ones, latin ones, black ones (redbone, black-berry and Haile-berry) and all those rock'a'billy redheads with the tattoos all over their sweaty cleavages. Needless to say I got drunker than a poet on pay day.

I'm still a kid it feels like. I love it usually but somtimes I notice I'm the last one at the party if ya'know what I mean. I ain't getting any younger. Everyday my back hurts a little more, I get the shakes, my stomach is an ulcerous wreck and I'm balding slowly but WAAAAAY too quick for your truly. The kids at my shows keep getting younger and younger and my neices, nephews and God-children keep getting older and older and older. 2years ago I hooked up with a friend and her son who I lived with back in the 90's. Back then he was an infant........now he's taller and stronger than me!!! I just don't understand.

Oh well, one day at a time.

[Rosenda]

I know the feeling Nick. I thought I had my shit together but really.....in the past several months, I realized that I just let shit fall into place on its own up til now. That was fine up until the last few years, but I was so lazy about it, I didn't notice that there was nothing of my own specific intentions or goals in my life. I'll probably never totally "grow up" but I think that's just my personality.

What I mean now is I can't let my life "just happen". I have to be deliberate about everything. And that is fucking harder than I realized. I'm still gonna do it and I still am, one day at a time, Nick, exactly as you say that. Good luck.

As for feeling you don't blend with the rest of your age group......I know I never will totally. But I dont blend with the real young folks either, and I do recall Rant telling me that I must learn to see that unique place and state of mind I have as an ADVANTAGE.