How did I get here?

[XiaMin]

Ever have a crisis of conscious? Ever wake up one day and think 'what the fuck is going on? How did I get here, who the hell AM I, really? what the fuck has happened?' What did you do? What did you find out about yourself? Share people!

[Rosenda]

Me too on that cleansing thing CDJC. I've been dropping off so many bags of clothes and shoes at the local Goodwill on Crenshaw that the dude knows me by now. Tossed so much in the trash and given some things to folks who can use them. I still have to make one more sweep of my closet and shoes. You know those shoe racks made of plastic with metal bars that hold 50 pair of shoes? I filled them both up PLUS a couple of smaller 15-pair metal round racks that sit on the bookcase. Today I filled up a big trash bag full of shoes. I had to go through and admit yeah some things are still cute but they hurt like hell and how many of THOSE shoes, for "special occasions", do you really need to keep?

It's not like i'm going to formal dinners every night of the week with Barbara Walters and the Countess Von Hohenloe or something, you know? I work and go to school 3 nights a week. And if I go out I wanna dance and hop and be comfortable.

But it is SO hard. What forced all this cleaning again is my class. I had to go through stuff to find things I needed for class (a lot of sewing supplies I knew I already had) and I was on a roll with the cleaning and pitching out that I just kept on going and it's been a month now, every weekend I do it.

My main problem is energy. I need to wake up earlier to go the gym. And I feel like I'm ground into the dirt with sleeping pills in my ears when I wake up in the morning, and it takes forever to get out to work on time.

Curvy I know EXACTLY what you mean by "I can literally see what has happened based on past decisions". Me too, actually with me it's more like "the decisions I did NOT make" along with the ones that I did. Both equally set me where I am today mentally and physically and emotionally.

A lot of that is good but a lot of it is bad or at the very least things I need to correct, ya know?
Funny Curvy in some ways I am much more risk taking and "fuck you attitude I'm gonna do what I want" person than I was when I was young, and that really surprises me. :)

[Rosenda]

I'm gonna update my own shit here. Life has taken a big huge open up direction and turning on the universe.
It's scary as hell but it's great as hell too. Now I know how I got here.....letting everything my life "just happen" and not until now am I learning I can't leave shit to chance when it comes to specific needs and accomplishments. It's fucking harder than anything I have ever done or had to live throught to now actually take deliberate action in my life and to plan shit out to the minute/day in many parts of my life. I didn't know I was being lazy and laissez faire until recently. I am now thankful I learned but I continue to learn struggle day by day. The pain comes with joy every single day. Wish me Good Luck!

[XiaMin]

Sorry I'm late, but Good Luck!!

Rosenda said:

I'm gonna update my own shit here. Life has taken a big huge open up direction and turning on the universe.
It's scary as hell but it's great as hell too. Now I know how I got here.....letting everything my life "just happen" and not until now am I learning I can't leave shit to chance when it comes to specific needs and accomplishments. It's fucking harder than anything I have ever done or had to live throught to now actually take deliberate action in my life and to plan shit out to the minute/day in many parts of my life. I didn't know I was being lazy and laissez faire until recently. I am now thankful I learned but I continue to learn struggle day by day. The pain comes with joy every single day. Wish me Good Luck!