"Marriage One Day? Yay Or Nay?"

[Lou-Diamond]

Do you wanna get married one day?
Afro-Punk Community member "Nadira_Akila" asked the question back in the days...
So what do you guys think?

[Lite }{]

I just recently did! I love it to damn death! lol
But the thing is both partners can create their own couplehood and ideals. Alot of us (including me) were/are just not interested in the institute of "marriage'. I totally believe it sucks. I totally know that this society is not conducive to a healthy relationship, much less marriage. I do know that many of our parents did not get or stay married. I wasn't given the best example.

My dude and I continue to seek guidance and hope to do so thru out our entire couplehood. I strongly recommend couples counseling for couples at whatever stage of the relationship they are in. People of African Descent (YEAH AFROPUNK KIDS) have undergone so much we need to seek counsel for all the damage of the last hundreds of years that still resignate.

I do know that your relationship/union can be what you want it to be. I for one do not have an average "marriage". The ceremony/celebration itself was totally AFROPUNK!!!!!! DO IT YOUR WAY......}{

Peace+Butterflies}{
www.litefreedomariposas.com

[Jervon]

No time soon. I still need to get over my own selfishness and better my compromising and some other skills.

[MER]

I would love to get married. I just haven't gotten to that point yet. Plus, I dunno if I'm heading in the right direction either.

[PolarVibez]

That's beautiful.

Lite }{ said:

I just recently did! I love it to damn death! lol
But the thing is both partners can create their own couplehood and ideals. Alot of us (including me) were/are just not interested in the institute of "marriage'. I totally believe it sucks. I totally know that this society is not conducive to a healthy relationship, much less marriage. I do know that many of our parents did not get or stay married. I wasn't given the best example.

My dude and I continue to seek guidance and hope to do so thru out our entire couplehood. I strongly recommend couples counseling for couples at whatever stage of the relationship they are in. People of African Descent (YEAH AFROPUNK KIDS) have undergone so much we need to seek counsel for all the damage of the last hundreds of years that still resignate.

I do know that your relationship/union can be what you want it to be. I for one do not have an average "marriage". The ceremony/celebration itself was totally AFROPUNK!!!!!! DO IT YOUR WAY......}{

Peace+Butterflies}{
www.litefreedomariposas.com

[XiaMin]

I know a lot of people agree with what you said about knowing yourself first, but I think people forget they already know themselves better than anyone else ever will. They will keep changing and learning about themselves as the grow older whether they're married or not. You don't just one day know everything about yourself and are finally ready to find a partner. You won't just stay the way you are whenever you decide to get married, no matter what age. It is possible to live and grow and be married at the same time. Growing with someone and constantly learning about yourself, and your partner and how the two of you relate is living too. Getting married later rather than sooner doesn't guarantee it will last more, things can always change.

When people say they want to live life before getting married it sounds sad to me because it seems like they just want to go full blast, then when there's nothing left or they're tired of being 'the old guy/gal' at the club, then they can get married. i mean everything else is done right? So now that I have no energy, excitement, wonder, uncertainty, health or whatever else left, now I want a spouse. :/ What i mean is you can be married and still live life, marriage is not a death sentence.



Dwayne said:

I'm down with it but I believe people should live a little before getting married. Knowing yourself first doesn't happen fast at all. I would have been divorced if I decided to get married in my 20's. At 37,I think I'm in a much better position to be married even though I still don't think I'll be married until I hit my 40's. I'm way more adjusted and confident in who I am and I believe that I would make the necessary accomedations for the woman I marry.

[XiaMin]

Lite }{ said:

But the thing is both partners can create their own couplehood and ideals. Alot of us (including me) were/are just not interested in the institute of "marriage'. I totally believe it sucks. I totally know that this society is not conducive to a healthy relationship, much less marriage. I do know that many of our parents did not get or stay married. I wasn't given the best example....I do know that your relationship/union can be what you want it to be

I totally agree with this :)

[PolarVibez]

I think I can identify with feeling the way that Dwayne feels but XiaMin, what you are saying here makes so much sense. Waiting could be a double edge sword sometimes because it gives you more time to build up baggage and become more jaded. This dosen't have to happen but it could. And then you're just carrying all that into your new life with your supposed soulmate or who ever you deem worthy enough to spend the rest of your existence with. People never stop changing and learning. Sometimes we can learn too much before we're supposed to know it though. This can take some of the wonder out of living. Is it better to share yout life with someone when you are both wildeyed and hopeful or after you've become weary?

I was heavilly on that path to the alter a while back but then some things happened with the other person that made me not so sure. Then I started thinking about what or who I was missing out on. Now I'm scared that I'll never meet someone to put me in that frame of mind again where I'm like "let's just do this!" I mean exploring is nice but I don't think that can go on forever. Sometimes I think all I have to look forward to being married to is my artistic and intellectual pursuits.

XiaMin said:

I know a lot of people agree with what you said about knowing yourself first, but I think people forget they already know themselves better than anyone else ever will. They will keep changing and learning about themselves as the grow older whether they're married or not. You don't just one day know everything about yourself and are finally ready to find a partner. You won't just stay the way you are whenever you decide to get married, no matter what age. It is possible to live and grow and be married at the same time. Growing with someone and constantly learning about yourself, and your partner and how the two of you relate is living too. Getting married later rather than sooner doesn't guarantee it will last more, things can always change.

When people say they want to live life before getting married it sounds sad to me because it seems like they just want to go full blast, then when there's nothing left or they're tired of being 'the old guy/gal' at the club, then they can get married. i mean everything else is done right? So now that I have no energy, excitement, wonder, uncertainty, health or whatever else left, now I want a spouse. :/ What i mean is you can be married and still live life, marriage is not a death sentence.

[LesYpersound]

I am, but I have a strong preference for monogamy because I recognize I need emotional stability in relationships and life as it stands. Somehow even though or maybe because my parents' marriage fell apart before I can remember I don't have serious hang-ups over the institution of marriage. If I'm in a stable, loving, respectful, and dynamic relationship and decide to eventually have kids with that person we're getting married if the other person doesn't feel strongly against it b/c i don't need a paid-for license from the State to prove our union, but why shouldn't we... and the other person better have a convincing argument other than fear.

If the marriage is a mistake and I truly loved the person and thought they were my future--than so be. Mistakes are a part of my life. I'd rather get married than be a common-law wife and bear children out of wed-lock, because there's even less reason in doing that, imo.

Personally, I wouldn't mind getting married and having kids earlier in life (the SO as a friend & lover to grow with is a beautiful thing imo--or i could just be a romantic idiot and that's fine w/ me), but I'm not going to force the issue and I have no qualms about getting pregnant and raising a child on my own.

[lyfenlyn]

I think it would be great. He'd have to be a spectacularly skilled individual, especially in the patience department. I'm a handful, but TOTALLY worth it.

[stefany]

The entire idea makes me terribly uncomfortable. Maybe I'm just immature. I know that I'm very flighty, and I'm okay with it. If I meet someone someday that completely bowls me over, and I'm lucky enough to have them feel the same way about me, then great! But it's not really a goal of mine.

[lyfenlyn]

PolariVibez said:

I think I can identify with feeling the way that Dwayne feels but XiaMin, what you are saying here makes so much sense. Waiting could be a double edge sword sometimes because it gives you more time to build up baggage and become more jaded. This dosen't have to happen but it could. And then you're just carrying all that into your new life with your supposed soulmate or who ever you deem worthy enough to spend the rest of your existence with. People never stop changing and learning. Sometimes we can learn too much before we're supposed to know it though. This can take some of the wonder out of living. Is it better to share yout life with someone when you are both wildeyed and hopeful or after you've become weary?

I was heavilly on that path to the alter a while back but then some things happened with the other person that made me not so sure. Then I started thinking about what or who I was missing out on. Now I'm scared that I'll never meet someone to put me in that frame of mind again where I'm like "let's just do this!" I mean exploring is nice but I don't think that can go on forever. Sometimes I think all I have to look forward to being married to is my artistic and intellectual pursuits.

XiaMin said:

I know a lot of people agree with what you said about knowing yourself first, but I think people forget they already know themselves better than anyone else ever will. They will keep changing and learning about themselves as the grow older whether they're married or not. You don't just one day know everything about yourself and are finally ready to find a partner. You won't just stay the way you are whenever you decide to get married, no matter what age. It is possible to live and grow and be married at the same time. Growing with someone and constantly learning about yourself, and your partner and how the two of you relate is living too. Getting married later rather than sooner doesn't guarantee it will last more, things can always change.

When people say they want to live life before getting married it sounds sad to me because it seems like they just want to go full blast, then when there's nothing left or they're tired of being 'the old guy/gal' at the club, then they can get married. i mean everything else is done right? So now that I have no energy, excitement, wonder, uncertainty, health or whatever else left, now I want a spouse. :/ What i mean is you can be married and still live life, marriage is not a death sentence.

It's interesting that you use the term 'Missing out on." It's as if when you aren't there time stops, and when you are ready to have fun it starts up again. Like David Lee Roth and others sang in just a giggalo "Life goes on without me."

The funny thing about marriage, and people who haven't been. That whole thing initself is an adventure. So many people have this outside view that it's about sitting on the couch waiting for your muscles to atrophy, your bones to get brittle, teeth and hair fall out, and sex organs fall off.

YOUR MARRIAGE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT! There isn't a rule that marriage is what you do right before you kick the bucket. It's up to you to keep it interesting. If anyone tells you that their marriage is boring, then it is so because they went into it expecting to be entertained. Fuckers.

Who is to say the joy you feel as a husband or wife won't kick the shit out of hanging with the homies and having your place to yourself, to watch whatever you want whenever you want and never clean??? Who says that being a parent won't be the most magical, interesting, fantastic, challenge you ever faced?

Think about it.

[the outsider]

It's definitely true that marriage is what you make it. The main thing to remember is having realistic expectations about it; if you expect that all your problems will be magically solved and that you will be happy for the rest of your life, then it's doomed to fail.

Marriage is an individual choice but I do know that you have to be a whole person first before you make the decision to commit to someone. I think that one of the reasons that marriage someone is that some people get married expecting the other person to make them happy and be their "everything". The hardest thing to remember (especially me) is that you are responsible for your own happiness and feelings. When you place that responsibility on your partner, it can be too much.

I'm not sure what will happen in the future for me in terms of marriage. If it does happen for me, I want someone to enhance my life not be my life.