Marriage. Marriage? Marriage!

[CaliforniaAfrican]

It seems like there are more and more married AP's lately. I think that we have a special and unique perspective on relationships. Many AfroPunks who aren't married, could care less about ever wanting to marry. Then there are some out there who think they may want a spouse one day.

Married AP's let's here from you. Grown people talk.

Why marriage? Is the internet messing shit up at home?
How do you keep it together? Does your spouse even like your AP friends?
Is the sex still good? What example of married life did you have?
Sometimes, do you just want your spouse to go away? If you had to do it all over again, would you?

[Rosenda]

well said calif africanalady. but we do make that same choice if we are not married too. I just think when you choose to be married that fidelity should be a part of that, and that hopefully both parties have that great respect and honestly and loyalty and closeness and loving that you and your husband have. even throughout all the ups and downs and responsibilities and such that come along with marriage after a long time, kids, property, jobs, working, changes etc etc. It probably is much more serious and should be, than making a commitment the first time when you aint married yet. i do admire you married folks who totally get each other and accept each other as you are even as the years go on. hey where's bossanova bill, we wanna hear from you married folks out in the midwest too, man.

[CaliforniaAfrican]

When you marry a man, you also get his mother. I tried so hard, as a young wife, to please my mother-in-law. I really wanted her to like me. It was so important to me. I've had a healthy, strong relationship with my mother and other older sistas, all my life. I wanted the same with the mother of my husband. Time and time again, I felt I came up short. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she stayed with us for many months. One day she told me that she was proud of me. "You have so much courage," she said. *crying as I type* That meant sooooo much to me. She loved me. She was proud of me. She knew that I was doing a good job of loving and supporting her first born child. She knew that I was doing an excellent job at helping to raise her grandchildren. I love her.

Diane passed away today. I lost my mother-in-law and I feel like I've lost part of me. She has been a part of my 14 years of marriage to my husband. *still crying* For 14 years...

[PolarVibez]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. My condolances to you and your family. It's really a blessing that you got to earn her respect before she passed. Some people never get that far with their in-laws. Stay strong sis.

CaliforniaAfrican said:

When you marry a man, you also get his mother. I tried so hard, as a young wife, to please my mother-in-law. I really wanted her to like me. It was so important to me. I've had a healthy, strong relationship with my mother and other older sistas, all my life. I wanted the same with the mother of my husband. Time and time again, I felt I came up short. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she stayed with us for many months. One day she told me that she was proud of me. "You have so much courage," she said. *crying as I type* That meant sooooo much to me. She loved me. She was proud of me. She knew that I was doing a good job of loving and supporting her first born child. She knew that I was doing an excellent job at helping to raise her grandchildren. I love her.

Diane passed away today. I lost my mother-in-law and I feel like I've lost part of me. She has been a part of my 14 years of marriage to my husband. *still crying* For 14 years...

[Candypink]

Thank goodness for this posting. I know you all know. Me and Ghetto are engaged. I hope our marriage is grand like yours Cali. Living with him for these 2 months have been good. I'm post some more later.

[Candypink]

Well one thing is sharing a bed is kind of hard. He's told me that I snore lol lol lol lol lol. He is really a gentlemen. When it's time for me to go to work he makes my lunch. I can't wait to see how our marriage is going to be.

[CaliforniaAfrican]

^^^ Congrats, CandyPink. I pray that you and Sketch continue to have a wonderful relationship. Can I tell you a secret, sis? *whispering* Omar and I don't sleep in the same bedroom. Don't tell anyone. lol He snores like crazy. We're lucky to have an extra bedroom in the house. So, Omar sleeps in the guest room! I love it. I think he enjoys it too. When we were first married, my husband would wake me EVERY night with his snoring. I would go to work a mess. So he would leave me almost every night and sleep on the futon in the living room. It became a regular thing. I would cry and ask him to stay with me. He was the smart one. Then when he started working the swing shift, he'd just come home, not disturb me at all, and just plop on the futon. When we moved into our house, I slept in the spare room. I loved it! It felt like I had my own apartment again. I fixed it up really nice. There's even a balcony attached. Somehow we keep switching back and forth. Now, it's his. The best part of having "seperate rooms" is the love making. Omar comes to visit, makes love to me, and then leaves! lol Very often we fall asleep in each other's arms. Then he wakes up and walks down to the guest room. I love going over to his room naked. lol Marriage life really is what you make of it. Blessings to you and Sketch.

[Angelica Johnson]

I love this dialogue!

CaliforniaAfrican said:

Sometimes I wonder to what extent marriage keeps people in a state of ownership. I was talking with my husband about this last night. The body that I have is mine. He gets that. For so many women and men, married or not, they see their significant other's body as being owned by them. I have been intimate with many men, before marriage. Since I've been married, I have had sex with only my husband. Part of my conversation last night was, "I have the right to have sex with anyone I choose. This is my body, not yours." My husband looked at me like I had lost my mind. He said nothing. Then I said, "I choose to make love to you. Only you. That is my choice." He smiled and said that he has made the same choice. Then we got naked. I've been smiling all day.

To love someone and to have it reciprocated is truly a privilege. There are so many ways in which to fuck it up: infidelity, physical abuse, mental abuse, ... Sometimes I have to remind myself what I actually DO have. *still smiling* What the hell was I thinking?!!