Has anybody here adopted?

[kifaru]

I have been thinking about exploring this route to fatherhood since I am not getting any younger. I am sort of getting tired of waiting for Ms Right and I don't want to gothrough the confusion of just impregnating someone for the sake of having a baby. I am for the most part financially stable so that shouldn't be an issue and my company offers adoption assistance so I should be able to swing it. I thought about just getting one of my poorer cousins kids. Anybody else's family do this? My family does that. In my family your cousin may well be your biological sibling because Aunt so and so wanted to raise "that" baby and cousin so and so said "Sure. Why not." Problem is all my cousins live in another state. So I'm thinking about using an agency.

[jahluv]

If this something that you are serious about, why not try fostering first to see if you are up to it. Many adoptions take place after a child has been in a foster care placement for an extended period of time. I know that single people are encouraged to adopt and foster here in Cali, - I don't know what the attitude is towards single parent fostering/adoptions where you are. Something to look into...

As far as the family transfer of kids - I know my cousin who ended up being raised by his older sister and husband is very resentful towards my aunt for giving him up and acted out a lot as a kid. You may have to deal with that should you step into that situation.

[CaliforniaAfrican]

Being an adoptive father would be so valiant of you, Kifaru. I hope you choose to adopt. There are so many children in need of a loving home. I know that you have plenty of love to share with a child. You’d be an excellent father. Good luck on your decision. I’m sure that you been praying over it. Blessings.

[kifaru]

I don't want to parent an older child because of bonding issues. To be honest my family doesn't really have those sorts of resentment issues since everybody has for the most part been grown when they found out or was actually staying with whoever kept them so much before that they never had an abrupt separation from their parent. Because of the wealth and parenting disparity my cousin describes it as, "I went from smelling like pee, not eating right, and being cold to clean clothes, toys, and cereal with milk every day. I still saw my mom, but when she would leave I was like 'Okay lets play atari!' "

jahluv said:

If this something that you are serious about, why not try fostering first to see if you are up to it. Many adoptions take place after a child has been in a foster care placement for an extended period of time. I know that single people are encouraged to adopt and foster here in Cali, - I don't know what the attitude is towards single parent fostering/adoptions where you are. Something to look into...

As far as the family transfer of kids - I know my cousin who ended up being raised by his older sister and husband is very resentful towards my aunt for giving him up and acted out a lot as a kid. You may have to deal with that should you step into that situation.

[kifaru]

Thanks. I ain't valiant or selfless. I want a kid for my own reasons of course after what them white dudes from duke did tto them little black boys they had I doubt that I'm going to have an easy time of it.

CaliforniaAfrican said:

Being an adoptive father would be so valiant of you, Kifaru. I hope you choose to adopt. There are so many children in need of a loving home. I know that you have plenty of love to share with a child. You’d be an excellent father. Good luck on your decision. I’m sure that you been praying over it. Blessings.

[LesYpersound]

if you adopt one of your cousins' kids you wouldn't be her/his father though.

just a general thing in response to bonding issues that i want to share since i just learned it: children even down to infants are physiologically affected by trauma and even if the child doesn't have any memory of the trauma s/he still may be affected by it (and minimizing the trauma can be incredibly destructive and its impact can last into adulthood)--so instead of minimizing the problems the kid is having if you're privileged enough to afford or educate yourself on childhood development and trauma it'd be pretty helpful i'd think.

good luck.

[XiaMin]

I think fostering first is a good idea K. Even with a child I carried IN MY WOMB at times I've been in situations where I thought "WTF? Who ARE you?" (though it passes pretty quickly). I imagine those times (even if you adopt an infant) would be extra stressful without the mother/father bond. It's important to really know what you're getting yourself into. I think you could be a great father and have much to give a child, but kids are the ultimate crapshoot, you never know what you're going to get and moreover you never know how you're going to react to what you get. I'm not in any way trying to discourage you. Let us know what you decide.

P.S. you may want to join the PUNK PARENTS group (or even share this post there).

[bEeefF]

Our violinist is from South Korea and was adopted within the first year of his life.